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    11 December

    Aling的后花园

        很久没来这里了,总觉得这里比QQ空间具有丝毫的隐私性,所以,就把很多积压内心的话,在这里倾诉。08年经历了很多,身心疲惫,总有盼望,大休解脱的念头。太累了,而这是何等的奢侈的事情,因为我现在连发泄的时间都没有。郁闷太久,胸闷的厉害,头昏脑涨手也不太听使唤了。经常告诉自己坚强些,问题总会解决,但这种意念渐渐的被消磨,说实话,人只是肉体和灵魂组成的东西,当人受到双重压力的时候,并不一定象励志电影上的主人公一样,那样坚强的象SUPER MEN一样。而我只需要短暂的空间和脆弱时间,让我去休息,去复原,希望别人去理解去安慰。而有些时候我们只有压抑,压抑自己的创伤和痛苦,把自己粉饰的就象精英杂志上的白骨精一样,而粉饰悲痛无非也是痛苦的过程。这让我想起了《拯救大兵瑞恩》上汤姆.汉克斯塑造的人物,压抑自己对战争的憎恨,压抑对队友和属下牺牲的悲痛,压抑到患上神经官能症,而这一切或许是为了让队友和属下更坚强,或许是对战争的憎恨和无奈,总之在看到他在队友牺牲后偷偷痛苦,看到他痛苦到双手颤抖的时候,让我实实在在体会到了痛苦。管TM的精英,管TM的成功,此时此刻,我不想做总被推在前面的Mr. Incredible。此时此刻,我愿意做个窝囊废,此时此刻我想做个失败的逃避者,此时此刻我希望放下追求和梦想。我只想能有短暂的时间和空间让和我和米中尉一样,痛快的流泪,痛快的发泄,痛快的休息。

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    31 Jan.

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